Jun 1, 2022

Resting in Perfect Love

You know there’s an odd feeling of knowing your identity in Christ, storming heaven and being the warrior you are, tackling life with joy, and then reality hits you in the face so hard that you feel like you’ve been whacked by a running train, that too a long one that seems to never end, barely able to catch your breath. What do you do then! You’ve tried everything you know….what next?

I got exhausted! And then I kept asking the Lord, I cannot understand what have I done wrong? What am I not getting? Has there been a compromise in my Spirit, why then am I feeling the way I am, where do I turn to…I only have you and that’s the only place I’ve been sheltering in? Then why?

Oh, how I love my dear “Holy Spirit”! What would we do without him? He waited until I’d finally come to a place of handing over the control to him, “Total Surrender” is more painful than it sounds! It was after this battling and wrestling that he spoke to me. “You’ve been trying too hard! I was like but the violent taketh by force, I’m neither helpless nor complacent, so why then Lord, please help me understand!” What he said made perfect sense, given the season and the time we’ve entered into. “You know, sometimes you need to take a break and just enjoy my presence. I know you have problems, I see you’re hurting but I don’t want you to fix anything just because you know how to or have the access to. Can you lean on me completely? Trust my timing, rest in the truth and confidence that my plans are only to prosper you and though you don’t see the outcome, though your visions and prophecies are not working for yourself (At the moment) and you cannot see, or do not know what lies ahead and it feels like you are groping in the dark, can you trust that I will not let you stumble or fall? You know my love for you is beyond comprehension, will I then watch you fail and gloat over your pain? Do you not know when you cry, my heart breaks? I am screaming to only let you see that it’s going to be ok, don’t cry I got you and I’m right here never letting you go even when you sleep or take long breaks away from me, I’m still holding on”.

I tell you this Love! I’ve never truly been loved, never! Exploited, manipulated, misinterpreted, twisted, used, forced, abused, bullied, harassed etc. but never truly loved…I ran after the fairytale story of what was my best understanding of true love. That blew up in my face! Then I tried what I saw in television series, movies, reality shows, and youtube videos, LOL! especially the iconic public proposals. You know the mushy PDA, DP, FB, fancy status that’s more instant than instant noodles and has less shelf life. The kind that says it’s better to love someone that loves you than to love someone that only you love. Well, the biggest mistake of my life! During this vain quest, I side-lined the love I got from my schizophrenic mother to only realise after she passed away that it was the closest, I’d ever get to knowing love in its truest form! I’ve always craved love, growing up with nobody there to spend enough time with me, to know what I was going through, I was desperate enough to try anything to get anything that resembles love. And it was difficult for me to fathom that the only love I ever needed was staring me right in the face, whispering in my ear, how loved I am and yet I was too blind to see.

That finally changed! Thank God! Yes our love story is weird, odd and nobody will ever understand this kind of love because it’s the only one of it’s kind! I chose to acknowledge that love; the only love I ever need, want or desire and yes I will go to any extent to protect this love, this intimacy I share with the man, the only man, my perfect man Jesus! And though, everything else fails I choose to rest in his love! And I am doing just fine, taking baby steps with him holding on to me is my fairytale come true and this is the story I tell my child every day!

And we all live happily together with sweet Jesus!

So, my secret to coming out of feeling burdened and helpless is by doing nothing…. Don’t even worry! Just rest, knowing where your help comes from and knowing that it’s from a place of pure and perfect love. Enjoy and spend as much time as you can in his presence with intentionality and diligence. And remind yourself that no matter what the outcome you will be better than now and better than your past because your latter days will be better! (James 5:11) It’s more certain than the Law of gravity! No wonder it is written in Matthew 11:28, it is not a suggestion, not a maybe you will find rest! But a map to a secret treasure if you are weary and are searching for rest, stop! Go to Jesus, hand over the control and watch the outcome unfold beautifully in his time, according to his plan. Ecclesiastes 3:11 is again a reassurance and confirmation that when we rest and wait on him he will make “All Things Beautiful”, not some, not few but “ALL”. Enjoy the waiting, endure with patience, trust him beyond any doubt and remember to thank him with Praise!

The Mind

The Mind

Our minds can be a powerful weapon and we need to train it in the ways of the Lord! Hope this blog helps you to strategise a new training method, which will lead you to abundance of life.

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